The MacSalad

Bart: Unckie Herb, what advice would you give to a young boy who would most likely become a bum like yourself?
Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.
-The Simpsons episode [8F23] Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

Everyone can agree eating fast food has its pitfalls. You really don't know what you're getting into when you chow down at your favorite on the go eatery. You don't know what is in that burger and usually eaten on the fly you don't always have at your disposal "fine dining". People eat food in many places. People eat it in their car, a movie theatre, their couch, a sidewalk, and classrooms just to name a few. I even remember hearing as child the local police department would bring the incarcerated criminals an Egg McMuffin and coffee in the morning or a Cheeseburger in the afternoon from McDonald's as their Meals. (Free McDonald's? I wanted to be locked-up!) Rarely do you have any utensils. Don't even think about flatware. At your disposal are usually an abundance of napkins (if they remember to put them in the bag) and the containers/wrappings/bags your food comes served in. When eating a messy or an involved meal this usually results in a recipe for disaster. Throw etiquette out the window when you are in the car as that Taco Bell will end up in your lap. There are environmental hazards.

In some cases the debris from your meal is just as prized as the meal itself. The leftovers are just as cherished and treated as "bonus" food. 'Urban Scavengers' as I'd like to refer to them are those brave few who take no shame in making a meal out of these morsels. "Lettuce" examine a few. Just when you thought you were through, there's more! You'll get desert once you've finished...

1. Bag Fries - The loose fries that have become dislodged from their container and fallen to the bottom of the food bag during transport. They are excellent for stealing. Those unfamiliar with the concept rarely check the bottom of the bag and throw them out. It breaks my heart to hear of all the forsaken bag fries throughout the world. Beware as small wars have been fought over who claims the discarded potatoes. The boys at Five Guys Burgers and Fries have embraced this concept. Here, when ordering fries with your burger, the server will scoop additional fries into the bag nearly filling it to the brim with oily love. They feed the world regardless of the size of the order and there's always enough to go around. Five Guys serves up peace on earth with every satisfied customer.

2. MacSalad - This is a term I have recently defined. It is the remnants of a Big Mac hamburger sandwich from McDonald's left-over after a meal. They may consist of one or more of the following: all-beef patties, special sauce, shredded lettuce, cheese, pickles, finely diced onions, sesame seed bun. Usually found in the box from which the Big Mac was served. I recommend asking for a fork when ordering a Big Mac these days. The special sauce being a thousand island variant is a fantastic dressing. No one should let it go to waste. Who cares if it is only shredded lettuce.

3. 'Sonic the Hedgehog' or 'The Lord of the Rings' - These are the names given to the recipient of the coveted misplaced onion ring often found among fries. This occurs when eating at a fast food restaurant which sells both, more specifically the aptly named Sonic or Burger King. It isn't so much a leftover "hazard" as it is an epic quest.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them!
-The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R Tolkein

4. Pizza Crusts (Pizza Bones) - I've been raised with the belief that it is a mortal sin to discard uneaten pizza crusts. This is mostly because where I come from (New Haven, CT) the crusts are often the best part of the Pizza. (I'll save the debate over superior pizza for another time.) What I will say is that just because the pizza crust is "a little burnt" doesn't mean that it tastes bad and should be thrown away. That's the way it is meant to be made 'round these parts. If you're not going to eat 'em pass 'em down!

5. Dumpster Diving - Am I serious? Yes. There are those who take urban scavenging to an extreme. 'Freeganism' is a relatively new movement based on an anti-consumerist lifestyle. One practice involves salvaging discarded, unspoiled food from supermarket dumpsters, known as 'dumpster diving'. 'Freegans' salvage the food for political reasons, rather than out of need, so you and your buds may want to read up on the social theory before 'Freegan' out.

No matter what your motivation is for scavenging, be aware. Pay close attention to the next meal you're having as you might find a treat amongst the used napkins. Be attentive to your leftovers for they could quickly become your buddy's meal. Do you want to change the world? Here's some food for thought: Try, offering up those bag fries, next time you're eating on the run. You're sure to gain a few friends.

Peace!