"Beer" is a four letter word.

I want a personal trainer. Unfortunately, I don't think any in their right mind would help me train for my main event. Are you familiar with the concept of competitive eating? Well I have decided to train to drink beer.


A fellow beer-enthusiast (I'd use the word "alcoholic" however it has gotten a bad rap over the past few years) gave me the idea today to prepare for a local beer fest. The Brass City Brew Fest 2009 in Waterbury, CT. http://www.brasscitybrewfest.com/


The Boy Scouts have taught me the most important lesson of drinking beer. "Be Prepared."


For those naysayers concerned with "safety", I am doing this for my health and well being. If I'm to survive a 4 hour period of 125+ breweries and brewpubs showcasing 300+ domestic and international brews I'm going to need preparation and discipline. Lets examine the 5 classic components of fitness: muscular strength, muscular endurance, body composition, cardiovascular endurance, and flexibility.


Muscular Strength: Can I hold a cup? Check. Can I drink? I've been doing it since I was a baby. I'd like to think I'm the next Mariusz Pudzianowski. In terms of the consumption of beverages, Kegel exercise has been proven to help prevent both men and women from peeing their pants.


Muscular Endurance: I should be ready for much standing and walking. Yoga perhaps for balance? I could work on some walking with a pedometer. However because of the short duration of the event I should be fine. To be safe I'll get a good nights sleep, stretch, and if I get tired there's always athletic equipment.


Body Composition: A general rule-of thumb is that Alcohol Tolerance is increased by regular drinking. Tonight I blog with one hand. Cheers! It is also connected with activity of alcohol dehydrogenates (a group of enzymes) in the liver, and in the bloodstream. Body composition of percentage of fat, muscle tone, and bone represented by the Body Volume Index (BVI) or controversial Body Mass (BMI) may provide some insight. Since I can't grow a second liver, or don't have the time to become a body builder I think this may prove difficult. Since I enjoy looking at and genitalia, the last-resort option is out as well.


Cardiovascular Endurance: This is the most important aspect of fitness. It is ability of the heart, blood vessels, and lungs to supply oxygen to working muscles during physical activity for a prolonged period of time. Perhaps it ties hand and hand to Alcohol Metabolism, where alcohol is detoxified and removed from the blood. Any activity that increases my heart rate for a sustained period should help train Cardiovascular Endurance. Tomorrow I'll take the stairs. At the festival I'll take a lap.


Flexibility: Well, I don't want to pull a hammy. I'll do some basic stretches. More importantly I must be flexible to the variety of beer I consume. Drinking too many beers with high alcohol content could slow me down or end my festival all together.


Results: I assume results of course will vary from person to person. If I'm successful, perhaps there could be a future for me in beer drinking personal training. It could prove most useful in beer pong. I could be a personal trainer to the stars. However training people to consume alcohol is counter productive to some programs with twelve steps.

For more information I suggest you check out your local gym/bar.

Cheers!