Taco Tuesday

     Have you ever craved a taco at 4 am? Do you have pancakes for dinner every other night? Why can't we have a drink before noon? These are a few questions surrounding the occurrence of food. Our fast-food diets have spoiled us in having it our way right away any time of the day. Yet we still hold on to the temperance of when and what a meal is. What happened to breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

     Us humans are generally regarded as omnivores. That is, we eat both plants and other animals. In the food world this means that we'll pretty much eat anything. In fact, for over 190,000 years with early Homo sapiens that was the case. We were hunters and gatherers. We were pure survivalists. Whenever we found something or killed something, if it didn't kill us, we ate it. Our meals were whatever we could get our hands on at that time. When seasons changed, so did our diets. Sometimes less plants and more animals. Humans were nomads and migrated with animals following where their food went. You pretty much didn't have a choice in the matter either. You could be eating venison and berries every day for two-thirds of the year. When you ate something it better have been good. Who knew when you'd see it again. It was far different than our diets and eating habits today. However a few things remain.

     Humans were and still are the greatest opportunists. We're the kings of making it simple and easy. We'll take every shortcut to get what we want even if it be damned. So about 10,000 years ago we took a chance to change our food sources, settled into the far reaches of the globe, and started farming. This experiment was highly successful and now we trade, buy, and steal food that's been made through modern agriculture. Today we're only limited by what we can grow. Simply put, we eat everything any time. In comparison to old humans, we have vastly more variety in diet but our sedentary lifestyle and need for simplicity has replaced the ability to make more meaningful choices.

     On a side note: why don't Paleo diets (eating like a caveman) work for most people? The answer is discipline. We have too many choices. History tells up we'll always make the easier choice when it comes to food. In order to eat like a caveman, you must be committed to working hard to find nutritious foods. We generally don't have the discipline to fight for our food instead of having it brought to us.

     What does any of this have to do with breakfast burritos? Breakfast, lunch and dinner are the lasting echoes of history when we needed to ration food. In order to make it last and eat it when it was fresh we needed to spread it out throughout the day. What came available at that time of the day dictated what we ate. For example: Chicken eggs laid early each morning were breakfast. Fish caught that day was served as dinner because it didn't last until morning (unless preserved in salt like lox for breakfast). Necessity being the mother of invention, we changed everything again with modern refrigeration and food preservation. Our meals today are basically limitless. Theoretically, you could have cake and ice cream for breakfast every day.
     So what's stopping us from the dream diets of a three year old? Well we're smarter. We know that if we ate too much unhealthy food so early in the day, there'd be no desert to look forward to after dinner. We know that if we didn't eat something other than candy for lunch, we'd never have enough energy throughout the day. We know so much more of what nutrition the body requires and try to eat a balanced diet that works well with our active lifestyles.
     Late night munchies happen and that's OK. We're still very much opportunists and there's no time like the present. It's alright to have a bloody Mary with breakfast. Hell, have a liquid lunch! We just shouldn't make a habit of it.

Growing up Ghostbuster

Photo: © Jeff Schear / Getty Images

     News of the recent passing of writer/actor/director Harold Ramis has gone surprisingly viral on the internet. Social media has exploded with tales of the supernatural, memorials, and reflections on his famous films such as Ghostbusters and National Lampoon's Vacation. John Stewart left a moment of Zen tribute, Stephen Colbert declared him a "Role Model", and even President Barak Obama released an official statement quoting Caddyshack, hoping that "he received total consciousness". Including such fantastic films as Animal House and Groundhog Day, Harold found great humor with death. One of my favorite lines from his film 'Stripes' is,"Tito Puente's gonna be dead, and you're gonna say, "Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous."  Well, I wouldn't know any better way to honor my childhood hero than to dedicate an entire 'Throwback Thursday' #TBT to Harold Ramis.

Photo: © Barry Williams / Daily News New York

     The Chicago Tribune story immediately appeared up on my feed. It's no secret why; I love Ghostbusters. My reaction (I assume) was similar to anyone else who had just learned that they had just recently lost an idol. I was speech-less. For a guy who often shares too much on the internet, I didn't want to post anything. My next thoughts were regretful, "Well, there goes Ghostbusters 3! Wait, did I just think that? What a horrible thought on so many levels!" Though I kept the callous and selfish response to myself, over the next few days I later found out that every person who loved and idolized Ramis felt exactly the same thing! And why wouldn't they? It probably would have been exactly what he had thought. An interenet meme circulating acknowledged this, "I wish Harold Ramis was alive to write a funny dedication to Harold Ramis." His humor certainly reflected a bitter satire; a pathos that as President Obama put it, "questioned authority". “We represent the underdog as comedy usually speaks for the lower classes,” Mr. Ramis once said. “We attack the winners.” This is a style mirrored by today's comic writers from 'Dumb and Dumber' by the Farelly brothers to recent success like Andy Samberg and 'The Lonely Island'. In his first feature film, 'National Lampoon's Animal House', a frightened horse dies of a heart attack in a college dean's office. In 'Caddyshack' a bishop is struck by lightning while playing golf in a thunderstorm. In 'National Lampoon's Vacation' a rancorous aunt dies while mid cross-country journey and later is strapped to the hood of the family's station-wagon. In 'Groundhog Day' Bill Murray's character is forced to repeat the same 24 hours over again with no escape, even in death, later declaring himself a god.

'Junior Ghostbusters' A.W. Cox Elementary School Talent Show 1988

     Over the past few days I've had an opportunity to reflect on why his work greatly influenced me. That is, there was something more than his silliness that helped me understand the world. His characters made me more comfortable accepting myself and death. I was often an 'underdog' in sports. In elementary school I didn't really excel at things other than science and math. It's no wonder why my idol was his 'Ghostbusters' character, Egon Spengler. If you're looking for a super-scientist, why not one that fights ghosts? Suddenly it was cool to have big corrective glasses because Egon had them. When other kids might have been afraid of the dark, I was able to take a "Who ya gonna call?" attitude. When I learned that people actually studied ghosts, I took out every book at the library on parapsychology. Sadly when death and tragedy came to my family I was able work through it with much of what I had learned. The years following both of the films me, my sister, my brother, and my friends all found a fantastic opportunity identifying each of ourselves in Ramis' heroes.

Dressing up and playing Ghostbusters never gets old.

     As an adult I'm finding myself going back to my roots for guidance.  As I pursue a career in entertainment, I realize that so much of my humor derives from what I had watched over 20 years ago. Even more now, I can see what a great example he was to up and coming writers/actors/directors. “When you’re doing pure comedy, things have to happen that would not happen in real life,” Ramis acknowledged in reference to 'The Ice Harvest'. “In this movie, we find ourselves laughing at how horrible real life can be, or at the kinds of things people say under stress, which may strike us as funny but they’re certainly not telling jokes to each other." My friend said to me yesterday, "(Harold Ramis dying) will finally get people to stop hounding Bill Murray about Ghostbusters 3." That is funny and I think Harold would have thought so too.

Harold Ramis © Copyright 2014 Joe Heller

Squirrel? Don't make me hurl!

For reals folk. Kat Kinsman (aka Granny Clampett), managing editor for, CNN's food blog Eatocracy says she's not afraid to serve backyard rodent for her dinner parties. I've thought we've advanced enough as a culture that even hunted game had standards. Apparently she's advising serving roadkill as fine dining. She's got a "squirrel guy". I guess buying squirrel is like picking up a dime bag. I'll admit that I'm into eating some weird foods and I'll try anything once. But Kat, you give internet food bloggers a bad name.

Check out the full article here.

Hangover Participle

In an effort to boost sales Medea Vodka maker has decided to include a programmable LED display on the bottle of their line of Vodka. This is a novel approach to capture the niche party/club scene markets. At about the same time a new site has gained popularity; www.vodkabottletextsfromlastnight.com.

Source: ENGADGET

Shouldn't your baby be a Bacon Baby?

I love bacon. I LOVE IT! Nothing compares to the overall experience of consuming this wonder-meat. But I've got to draw the line somewhere. J&D whose slogan is "Everything should taste like bacon." have taken the recent baconmania trend a bit too far. I bring to you BACON-FLAVORED INSTANT BABY FORMULA. You could argue that this is a product almost as taboo as candy cigarettes. Get 'em started young and they're hooked for life! However, I don't think there will be large civil suits against the pork producers of the US.

They do make a solid argument for bacon. Research proves the importance of high protein/high fat diets for early stage infant brain development. What's better than bacon? However the product is bacon "flavored" and not simply ground up bacon added to formula. I'm sure parents would be wary of a product which also comes with a disclaimer.

"Based on this and a lot of other research, we developed our newest product, Bacon Baby Infant Formula. It ensures that your infants get the fat, proteins and complex nutrients that they need to excel at an early age, all in a savory, delicious tasting formula. (**Note that we can’t guarantee that your baby will become smarter or more athletic from using this formula, as those particular claims are still undergoing review by the FDA - but we think you'll be pleased!**)"

This could mark a huge change to bacon mania. It could be the beginning of a series of health conscious foods flavored with bacon. I'm sure there's a successful protein shake out there somewhere. There's the diet soda market, and I've always enjoyed the irony of Vegetarian Bacon.

Special thanks to Becca for sharing Bacon Baby with me.

Super Mac 'n Cheese

Founding father/inventor/foodie Thomas Jefferson invented Macaroni & Cheese. Well, he did in the same sense that Vice President Al Gore invented the internet. Rumor has it that Jefferson returned form a trip to Paris with a macaroni mold. His cousin, Mary Randolph (AKA "The Virginia Housewife"), first published the recipe he served in the White House in 1824. While popular in England since the Victorian era, the casserole wasn't a staple of American comfort food until Kraft Foods popularized it as a dried boxed food in war-rationed 1937.

We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner...
Barenaked Ladies, If I had $1,000,000

The food has evolved to various forms far beyond what Jefferson could have ever imagined. Besides instant and microwavable incarnations, you can find fried Mac 'n Cheese Bites, and even Mac 'n Cheese colored Crayola Crayons. A sheer mention of the food in the song "If I had $1,000,000" prompts fans of the band Barenaked Ladies to lob boxes upon boxes of Kraft Dinner on stage.

Today I attempted to doctor up a box of Kraft Dinner Macaroni and Cheese. I was pleasantly surprised. Here's the recipe.

Ingredients:
1 Box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner (Family Size)
1 Stick Butter or Margarine
1/2 Cup of Whole Milk
4 Pinches of Iodized Sea Salt
A Splash of Olive Oil
2 Cups of Kraft Cheese Mexican Four Cheese Finely Shredded
1 package Kraft Cheese American Singles - 24 ct
1/2 cup Grated Parmigiano-Reggiano Cheese

1. Pre-heat oven to 425 degrees.
2. Prepare box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner per instructions, however add olive oil and sea salt to water once boiling.
3. Stir in 2 cups of Kraft Finely Grated Mexican Shredded Cheese blend, and 1/4 cup of Grated Parmigiano-Reggiano Cheese
4. Pour into medium sized casserole dish.
5. Cover top of macaroni with Kraft Singles and then remaining Parmesan cheese.
6. Bake until Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese turns golden brown.

Many creamy variations of Mac 'n Cheese involve using flour to make a creme sauce similar to alfredo. For unique flavors, some chefs try using various types of strong cheeses and more daring individuals can even add extra ingredients, like ground beef, ketchup, jalapeños, sliced hot dogs, Spam, Tabasco sauce, ham, bacon, tuna, tomatoes, and other vegetables. Have fun experimenting yourself!

It's a warzone out there...

To be honest I had no idea we actually had fast food on US bases. We do. It makes sense. To boost morale during war give a solider something familiar from home. Some comfort food for thought. But you've got to agree somewhat with a recent decision to remove fast food from military bases in Afghanistan. In a blog post by Sgt. Maj. Michael T. Hall he discusses changes to morale, welfare and recreation facilities on U.S. bases.

"This is a warzone – not an amusement park."

The situation brings to mind the movie War, Inc.. Here we find a hot sauce shooting John Cusack as a hit man posed trade show producer in the US outsourced military occupation of the fictional country Turaqistan. A theme remnant of the 2003 invasion of Iraq. The climax surrounds Cusack's character (Hauser) confronting the Viceroy in a secret location hidden in a Popeyes restaurant. (Don't worry. I haven't given away the ending.)

In reference to an additional change the Sgt. Maj. states they, "will also reduce the amount of canned and bottled goods coming into country." At least he didn't say, "Let them eat SPAM."